Harder then Expected

So when I had Ryan the toughness of parenting was pretty much on par with my expectations. I had been a preschool teacher, I knew what it was like to be around kids, sure it was different but I had assumed it would be harder to have my own kids. I had good days and bad days, but such is to be expected.

When I had Audrey everything changed. It is harder then any expectation I could have ever had. Right now I have one child teething (ie super clingy, whiny and needy- and up at 5:45) and one child that is fighting potty training like it is his full time job- and he is acting everyone of his three years of age (won't go to bed until close to 9pm). At the end of the day I am shocked that I survived the day. Yesterday my day ended with me locking myself in the closet with my computer eating Mac and Cheese and drinking a beer. I was in the closet because it is the one room where I can't hear whining. My saving graces were 1) I have a walk in closet, 2) My computer had wireless internet (thus great for online shopping 3) Last but certainly not least I have a husband who brought me the mac and cheese and beer (and it was the fancy kind of mac and cheese).

People keep telling me that this too shall pass. While I have trouble believing it, it is that hope that gets me through the day (That and my husband is wonderful). Tomorrow is a new day, the teeth could pop through, my son could decide that it is easier to go potty then peeing in his pants, Audrey might decide to sleep later, Ryan could decide he needs to go to bed earlier.... I hold out hope that something will change, until then I will keep getting up and doing it again.

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day! This morning I got up to blueberry pancakes and coffee in bed, I swear every morning should start that way. Then I got to stay there, in bed, that's right I just stayed put and read. After a day of playing with the kids and relaxing (those are mutually exclusive), we headed out to a Durham Bulls baseball game with my mom and brother. It was Audrey's first game and the first game Ryan gone to that he appreciated that there was actually a baseball game going on. Thank you to my mom who got us all tickets! A great day overall, I am so thankful for my family and the fact that I get to celebrate Mothers Day.

16 and Preggo

I have a confession.. it's kind of embarrassing so I don't often admit to it... but here goes... I watch the show 16 and pregnant. Ahhh... it feels good to get that of my chest. I know it's awful, but I can't help myself. It makes me appreciate my life in a whole knew way. You can see these children (they are 13 years older then Ryan...they are CHILDREN), they have no idea what being a parent is as they walk around with their big bellies. They talk about how their boyfriends are going to change and be responsible and they are going to be together forever, you can see how their parents know what chaos a baby is going to bring into their lives but the teen is sure that they will be different, that they will be able to handle it with grace and ease. Then the baby comes, the boyfriend goes MIA when he realizes how much work this whole parenting thing takes and that he will have to get along with his baby mama's parents since they are paying all the bills so they cut and run. The girl then flounders as she tries to juggle parenthood and school and work...

Here's the deal- I understand babies are cute and wonderful, they are, I mean I had two of them so I must like them right? But parenthood is the hardest thing I have ever done (and I went to and graduated from law school). You can go days without sleeping, it is more expensive then you realize until you are knee deep in it, and as you answer the question "why" for the 700th time in a day you realize how much patience it takes.

I have a husband who both financially and emotionally supports me. I don't have to worry about working or going to school- my entire focus can be on my children and I am still drained from it. I don't have to worry about someone being emotionally or physically abusive towards me (as many of the teen moms find themselves dealing with). My husband in fact gets up in the middle of the night numerous times a night to help with the kids (and neither of my kids are newborns- it doesn't stop just because they CAN sleep through the night). Even with all that support and wonderfulness coming from my husband it's hard and there are days where I feel like I can't do it.

Here is what I would say to a teen (though having been a teen myself I am pretty sure they wouldn't listen):

1) Babies don't make relationships better, they will make them worse. A baby will strain a relationship like nothing else I can think of. You have to deal with the other person when you are both mentally and physically exhausted. You will have financial stress. You will have different views of how to raise your children. My husband and I have been together for 10 years- I love him with all of my heart- but there are days where I am so tired I feel like I am going to keel over and I feel like we are living totally different lives as he walks in the door after a day of work.

2) Figure out how much it is going to cost to have a baby- before you have sex. The hospital bill alone will be in the thousands. Doctors bills (count on about an appointment a month the first year of life), diapers, formula, clothes, car seat, crib, stroller, food, pacifiers, toys etc. and that is just the basics- if you are going to put them in daycare tack at least a thousand a month onto that.

3) Here is something I am just learning now: Every year people will tell you that this year will be harder then the last. You have a newborn everyone says "oh you will never get any sleep it's so hard", your kid turns one "Now that he is so moble you can never take your eyes off of him, now you are in trouble", kid turns 2 "here come the terrible 2's where they really test their boundaries", kid turns 3 "now they think they are in charge you are in trouble, and they ask why for EVERYTHING"... and of course the end of every statement is "but you just wait until the teen years."

4) You always come second (or 3rd or 4th)... I ran out of shampoo 2 days ago, I just got some more today because I have been busy. I go to the store to try and buy myself something and I always come back with something my kids need instead. I can't go out when I want to go out, and even if I could, mornings come very early. My kids eat my food off my plate, they drink the water out of my glass, they pick where we go, what is on TV, when we get up in the morning, how many times we wake up in the middle of the night etc. It is not a bad thing but when you go from living alone (which I did in Chicago while in school before moving back when I was pregnant) it takes a little getting used to.

So overall parenthood is really hard- it takes something in you that you don't know you have until you are in the thick of it. It is wonderful and rewarding if you do it in the right way and are surrounded by people who are willingly wanting to and able to support you. You have to be strong and selfless which I am not entirely sure most teenagers are capable of. I would 100% recommend having kids to anyone who understands at least on some level what they are getting into. I love it, it fulfills me, it makes me feel important and like my life has meaning, but as I said before it is the hardest thing I have ever done. So I hope that when my kids are old enough to qualify for a show like 16 and pregnant they don't go there. I hope they wait until they are settled, prepared and supported. We all want what is best for our kids and it would break my heart to have them have to suffer like the children (and the babies of these children) suffer. Here's to hoping the choices I make now and in the future lead my kids to be confident and make good decisions in the future.

Potty Training

We are in the middle of potty training Ryan right now. It is one of the things I really worried about even when he was a baby. Apparently there was a reason for the worry... It is sort of like trying to get a baby to sleep at night, what works for some people doesn't work for others. We started the process about the time that Ryan turned 2 1/2, but just barely- it was more of an introduction. We were doing okay and then he decided he was done so we stopped. We started again about two months ago and now I think we are in the final stages of it.

There are a lot of moments in potty training where I think to myself "how can you possible get this part to work?" We went through a stage where we had to sit on the potty every 23 minutes or he would have an accident and I all I could think about was "How do we get beyond this?" then one day he woke up and could last 2+ hours. It just happened. The next question was "how do we leave the house?" I mean he is just learning to hold it- what if we are out and he has to go? But then when we started going out he was fine as long as he went right before we left. I feel like we have two more big stages left- him asking to go instead of me reminding him and him being able to last through naps. I ask myself "how do we get past this stage?" but I think I might just have to let it be and he will find his way. He has about 6 weeks to do it before he moves up to the next classroom at school where he needs to be self sufficient with the potty. I'm pretty sure we will be there by then.

After stalling out a few times I had the thought "what if we can't do this?" but I guess it's just another of those parenting things you have to get through. I mean the chances of him still being in diapers in kindergarten is essentially none. I'm sure as you have more children you get better at it- you are more efficient, you know what to say, what to do and when to do it. The thought of never buying diapers for him again is an appealing one.... like really appealing. I guess I just need to have some faith that this too shall pass and that he really can find his way.

Day at the Pool

One of the perks of living in the south is that our "pool season" is really long. Our neighborhood pool opened two weeks ago. I decided since it was just Audrey and I that we should go check it out.
Audrey wanted to like it... but she HATES cold water. In fact she hates anything that makes her cold... she is my summer baby.

She was mad at me in this picture because I kept trying to put her feet in.

So we came back home and pulled out the kiddie pool which I filled with warm/hot water... after convincing her it wasn't cold she loved it and we were able to get use out of her bathing suit after all.

Berry Picking

Today I took Ryan strawberry picking. He has been talking about going berry picking for a few months now and asks to go almost on a daily basis. It's funny that he is so fixated on berry picking considering he doesn't actually eat strawberries. He does however love the birthday cake ice cream they make and serve at the farm (which I think might have a lot to do with why he loves berry picking so much).

Easter Egg Hunt

Easter Dinner

Because of how schedules were, our family celebrated Easter a day early (except for the egg hunt). Here are some of the pictures:

Audrey and her great-grandma Gr

Until Ryan got comfortable with all the people at my moms house he rode this school bus around and around the house very intently.

Meg and my brother David

Eating stuffing and mashed potatoes

Ryan's favorite part of the whole event- getting to play the guitar. First with (Great) Uncle Terry and then with (Great) uncle Paul. I think I might be raising a little musician.

Singing Family

My mom's family used to get together every year for Thanksgiving, but they haven't done it in years. This year my mom decided to try and reintroduce the idea with an Easter get together. There was a pretty good turn out, everyone seemed to have a great time and I know my kids had a really great time meeting everyone. Part of the tradition is that after dinner someone will pull out their guitar and the whole family kinds. I caught one of the songs on my iPhone. I hope we are able to do this again next year, what a fun Easter tradition! I will post pictures next.

9 Months Old

Audrey is 9 months old (actually at this point 9 months and a week.. but close enough). The doctors appointment went wonderfully she was above average on everything developmentally and checked out very healthy. She is 27 1/2" in length and weighs 18 pounds 7.5 ounces which is about 25th percentile.

I can't believe she is already 9 months: pulling herself up, standing, crawling, eating puffs, saying words, waving and all the other little things she does.

Sunny Days

After a weekend of rain and 40 degree weather in Chicago we wanted to take full advantage of the North Carolina 80 degree weather when we got home. We took out the kiddie pool and had a a little water fun. I see lots of similar activities in the months to come!

Trip to Chicago

Ryan and I went on a trip to visit Uncle David last weekend. I know that the transition from being an only child to being the big brother has been a bit of a challenge and he has been craving some more one on one time, so a trip with just the two of us to Chicago seemed like the perfect remedy. This picture is of Ryan meeting the pilot of the plane, Ryan hadn't been on a plane since he was about 1 so it seemed like a new experience to him. Everyone at the airport was really nice to Ryan (including security- I know, color me shocked).

Here is Ryan's little set up, he had his snacks, drink and iPad (at this moment he was watching a bit of Finding Nemo). Ryan riding on the train into the city from the airport. A plane, then a train... what could be better for a 2 year old?After getting in Uncle David brought us to Michigan Ave and their super fun Disney store- I let Ryan pick out one toy so after lots of testing he ended up with a combo pack of Mac and Lightening McQueen from Cars. It was much needed because when we walked into Uncle David's apartment the firs thing out of Ryan's mouth was "Wow, nice place, where are the toys?"

The weather was pretty bad the whole time we were there- rainy, cold and grey but Ryan didn't mind- in fact I'm pretty sure he was excited he got to walk in the rain a lot (and splash in every puddle along the way).

This is the only picture with Ryan and I together where he wasn't hiding his face- he did it on purpose and on the train ride back to the airport he looked up at me and said "I no hide my face anymore"

Walking through the Lincoln Park Zoo

It was a vacation- he wanted ice cream so Uncle David and I took him out for ice cream- even though it was dinnertime and freezing outside.

Probably the most fun thing we did the whole time in Chicago was a visit to Shedd Aquarium. I am so thankful Uncle David took us. I had never been, even though I lived in the city for 2 years. It is a great place for kids- Ryan spent a lot of times playing in the Penguin section and in their model submarine.

The trip was a big success, Ryan loved the fact that he didn't have to share me with his sister and above and beyond that he got Uncle David's attention also. He loved the planes, trains, taxi's, museum, restaurants, and long walks around the city. He was exhausted by the time we headed home and it will probably take us at least a day to get back into the groove. I hope we are able to do more one on one trips with each of the kids in the near future.

Easter is Around the Corner

We went to go get pictures taken with the Easter Bunny today! This is the first year that Ryan didn't fought me tooth and nail to get away from the beastly bunny. Even Audrey seemed to enjoy what she seemed to see as a large stuffed animal, she reacted better then she does with people she doesn't know.

Sharing Toys

Audrey is starting to get big enough to play with her brothers toys... I think Ryan is coming to the realization of what having is a sister is all about. We'll see how this works out. I foresee a few bumps along the road coming our way.