16 and Preggo

I have a confession.. it's kind of embarrassing so I don't often admit to it... but here goes... I watch the show 16 and pregnant. Ahhh... it feels good to get that of my chest. I know it's awful, but I can't help myself. It makes me appreciate my life in a whole knew way. You can see these children (they are 13 years older then Ryan...they are CHILDREN), they have no idea what being a parent is as they walk around with their big bellies. They talk about how their boyfriends are going to change and be responsible and they are going to be together forever, you can see how their parents know what chaos a baby is going to bring into their lives but the teen is sure that they will be different, that they will be able to handle it with grace and ease. Then the baby comes, the boyfriend goes MIA when he realizes how much work this whole parenting thing takes and that he will have to get along with his baby mama's parents since they are paying all the bills so they cut and run. The girl then flounders as she tries to juggle parenthood and school and work...

Here's the deal- I understand babies are cute and wonderful, they are, I mean I had two of them so I must like them right? But parenthood is the hardest thing I have ever done (and I went to and graduated from law school). You can go days without sleeping, it is more expensive then you realize until you are knee deep in it, and as you answer the question "why" for the 700th time in a day you realize how much patience it takes.

I have a husband who both financially and emotionally supports me. I don't have to worry about working or going to school- my entire focus can be on my children and I am still drained from it. I don't have to worry about someone being emotionally or physically abusive towards me (as many of the teen moms find themselves dealing with). My husband in fact gets up in the middle of the night numerous times a night to help with the kids (and neither of my kids are newborns- it doesn't stop just because they CAN sleep through the night). Even with all that support and wonderfulness coming from my husband it's hard and there are days where I feel like I can't do it.

Here is what I would say to a teen (though having been a teen myself I am pretty sure they wouldn't listen):

1) Babies don't make relationships better, they will make them worse. A baby will strain a relationship like nothing else I can think of. You have to deal with the other person when you are both mentally and physically exhausted. You will have financial stress. You will have different views of how to raise your children. My husband and I have been together for 10 years- I love him with all of my heart- but there are days where I am so tired I feel like I am going to keel over and I feel like we are living totally different lives as he walks in the door after a day of work.

2) Figure out how much it is going to cost to have a baby- before you have sex. The hospital bill alone will be in the thousands. Doctors bills (count on about an appointment a month the first year of life), diapers, formula, clothes, car seat, crib, stroller, food, pacifiers, toys etc. and that is just the basics- if you are going to put them in daycare tack at least a thousand a month onto that.

3) Here is something I am just learning now: Every year people will tell you that this year will be harder then the last. You have a newborn everyone says "oh you will never get any sleep it's so hard", your kid turns one "Now that he is so moble you can never take your eyes off of him, now you are in trouble", kid turns 2 "here come the terrible 2's where they really test their boundaries", kid turns 3 "now they think they are in charge you are in trouble, and they ask why for EVERYTHING"... and of course the end of every statement is "but you just wait until the teen years."

4) You always come second (or 3rd or 4th)... I ran out of shampoo 2 days ago, I just got some more today because I have been busy. I go to the store to try and buy myself something and I always come back with something my kids need instead. I can't go out when I want to go out, and even if I could, mornings come very early. My kids eat my food off my plate, they drink the water out of my glass, they pick where we go, what is on TV, when we get up in the morning, how many times we wake up in the middle of the night etc. It is not a bad thing but when you go from living alone (which I did in Chicago while in school before moving back when I was pregnant) it takes a little getting used to.

So overall parenthood is really hard- it takes something in you that you don't know you have until you are in the thick of it. It is wonderful and rewarding if you do it in the right way and are surrounded by people who are willingly wanting to and able to support you. You have to be strong and selfless which I am not entirely sure most teenagers are capable of. I would 100% recommend having kids to anyone who understands at least on some level what they are getting into. I love it, it fulfills me, it makes me feel important and like my life has meaning, but as I said before it is the hardest thing I have ever done. So I hope that when my kids are old enough to qualify for a show like 16 and pregnant they don't go there. I hope they wait until they are settled, prepared and supported. We all want what is best for our kids and it would break my heart to have them have to suffer like the children (and the babies of these children) suffer. Here's to hoping the choices I make now and in the future lead my kids to be confident and make good decisions in the future.