Bar Over

So I am finally willing to talk about the bar exam (at least a little bit). Let me tell you, it is not like anything you have ever done unless you have actually taken the bar. The test is 12 hours, that’s right 12 hours. I mean we already graduated from law school, doesn’t that count for anything, why do you now test us on, what is it 16 subjects all at once? The good news is that now all I can do is wait for the results.

I stayed at my mom’s house in preparation of the bar; it was just a little too crazy at my house. She was out of town so I studied in the much needed silence. Rachel flew in on Monday to help with Ryan, she and my brother took care of Ryan Tuesday and Wednesday. It was nice not having to worry at all about anything beside the bar. When I was done with the bar on Wednesday I came home to Rachel who had a bottle of champagne and a homemade amazing meal for my whole family. Let me tell you something, when you have to go through something, you need people like the people I have in my life. David, Rachel, Don and my mom were the only reason I was able to keep any semblance of sanity.

So I have decided to reshape my life. Today I cut off all my hair (as seen in the last blog entry) and I did my first post-bar work out. My legs were so tight that I think I really need to stretch better, apparently sitting still for 2 months does not keep muscles loose. Don bought me a Bosu Ball and weights so I also used those with a workout show on DVR (the host of this show was a super annoying man with a ponytail, I think I might need to be more selective with my shows!). It was a start; I am really out of shape so I am going to have to take it slow at first. It feels good to have taken that first step.

Locks of Love

This weekend to start off this new chapter in my life I chopped off 10 inches of hair to donate to locks of love. I went all out and got bangs also! This is the begining of a new me.

Starting Him Early

Ryan has decided that he wants to do his own laundry... hopefully this continues, he needs to earn his keep!

Out of the basket
Into the Dryer
Folding

Quick Ryan Development Update

Ryan has developed so much recently. He has a few things he does, his newest tricks are that he has become an expert at waving bye and hi… in fact he does it when he WANTS someone to leave, not only when they are! He also signs “all done.” This morning Don said "I'm out" while he was in the kitchen to tell me he was leaving, Ryan looked up and waved byebye.... Ut oh... he understands everything we are saying! We better watch that :)

He is starting to get really confident with standing up, in fact sometimes he will let go and just stand for a moment, and he can also get from standing on one object to reaching out and moving to another. He can crawl anywhere and has gotten super speedy; I think he figures the faster he goes the more trouble he can get into before we catch him.

His favorite game is peek-a-boo and he has a particular blanket that he loves to play it with. He gets so excited while playing that sometimes he just falls over. It is pretty funny to watch.
He has learned what the camera is and is a total cheeseball when I bring it out. He squints his eyes and sticks out his bottom jaw. It doesn't lead to the best pictures.... but it is pretty funny to watch (this explains the pirate photo from the last entry)

Now to the stats, he had his 9 month check up on the 16th (yes I am that far behind). He weighed 20 pounds (50th percentile for boys), his head was 80th percentile (lots of brains), and he was 14th percentile in length (not a basketball player). Overall they said he looked very healthy and well developed!

New Pictures!

Rachel + Ryan = 4Ever

Super Big Boy

Standing and Smiling

Somewhere along the line my baby turned into a pirate

Extreme Makeover: Life Edition

I have a lot of different types of people reading this blog: warning ahead of time, this isn’t for everyone… if you don’t want to read it I won’t hold it against you, the length got a little out of control on me!

As I was sitting in my car in the drive through of a coffee shop today wearing slippers and sweatpants I started to think about where my life had gone wrong. Now don’t get me wrong, I generally love my life. Somehow I had gotten myself to this place where I am staying at my moms house (while she was out of town) away from my husband and baby. I am sitting in front of a computer or a book for many, many hours every day, my eyes getting worse and my weight going up. Oh bar exam how I hate you.
When magazines say women let themselves go, I now understand what they are talking about. I have discovered you can get to a point where you don’t let yourself go… you completely forget that you as an individual exist. The further out of control you get, the harder it is to see your way back. You get so busy that any extra moment you have you feel you need to devote to your children and husband because that is your job. You get stretched so thin and you want to give enough of yourself to everyone. As I type this I literally haven’t had my haircut since June… its February, the end of February at that. I can’t fit into my clothes because I haven’t had time to work out or eat well in over 2 months (I have time to take a shower once every other day… and that is only because I am paying a babysitter). So I am wearing sweatpants everyday, and I don’t have time to put on my sneakers that I normally wear so I have been wearing whatever slips on. This is a sad state of affairs if you ask me.
There are people that live like this all the time. How, I have no idea, they must die by age 40 because they have used up all of what they once were. I have gotten a taste and I hate it. I am missing out on too much life, I feel lousy physically and mentally and I am not the best version of myself to anyone including Ryan who is most important. And Poor Don has to pick up my slack, we spend probably 1 hour together during waking hours and that is spent watching some TV show because honestly I have nothing to talk about except legal rules (and even I don’t want to hear about those) and I am so mentally exhausted that that is pretty much the extent of what I am able to do. He has to rearrange his busy schedule to make time for my stuff and so we are both falling behind on the daily stuff (from running out of toothpaste to projects at work).
We had a babysitter come in for Ryan 2-3 times a week which helped me study for 10-15 hours more a week which was a huge help. But he was so upset every time I went upstairs leaving him downstairs. He really liked her, but he wanted me and I wanted to be there with him way more then be upstairs locked in my little office. I couldn’t come downstairs because if he saw me he would cry. Ugh what a bad situation. I am not saying that I will never leave him again, that wouldn’t be healthy for anyone… in fact I plan on leaving him with this particular babysitter again, but I just hated being essentially forced to do it. It was like all the decisions in my life were being made without my input.
So anyway, while I am not sure what I will end up doing with myself in the future, I know for sure that I never want to get to a point where life is passing me, where my daily goal is to keep myself from drowning in a life that I created. Maybe I will work part time, maybe I will work full time, maybe I will wait until Ryan goes to school, maybe I won’t… I feel like there are a lot of possibilities. The good news is that because of Don’s new job (as of last November) I don’t have to make a decision right now. I can get over the trauma that is the bar exam. I can take it slowly enough that I make decisions because I want to instead of out of desperation.
Sorry for the long blog! I will post happy blogs with pictures and everything after the bar is DONE on Wednesday… okay after I am going out with Rachel after the bar… so closer to Thursday or Friday.

"Classic" Picture for Valentines Day

In honor of "love" day here is a picture of Don and I taken in 2002 after we had been dating a year! What do you think, do we look any different?

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day all!

I hope everyone had a great day however you spent it. Even if you don't "do" valentines day it can't hurt to send a little love out to the people that matter to you.

I had a good day home with my boys today. I watched a special on the history channel about the history of chocolate (which prompted Don to go out and get chocolate) and the rest of the day was spent studying civil procedure and going through legal ethics. Now I am doing practice problems!

XOXO to all of you!

I had big plans for my valentines day post… but now I am too worn out for it. Maybe after the bar exam. I have a few topics to write about, hopefully I won't forget them in the next 2 weeks.

Goofy Picture

Goofball... he was climbing up me saying Mama when I took this picture. I showed him the picture afterwards and it made him laugh. He is a huge fan of seeing pictures of himself on the camera.

Bar Exam Blues

2 weeks and counting.
I am losing touch with reality.
Please excuse my lack of communication.
Ryan is alive and well, I have very good people picking up my slack.

happy, happy!

How can you have a bad day when you wake up to a face like this?

Law School Graduate

It's official! I am a Juris Doctor! That's right, law school is a thing of the past.

Sneaky Baby

Today Ryan showed just how sneaky he can be.
He isn't allowed to touch the electronics, he knows it too. He sometimes tests it by sitting really close to them and sticking his hand out while watching me to see my reaction.
Well, he looked at my computer cord today, he really wanted to touch it, you could see the want in his eyes. He looked at me then at the computer cord then looked back at me. I told him not to even think about it. He sat there for a minute, then he took the Pacifier out of his mouth and threw it at the cord, it missed, he picked it up and threw it again until it landed ON the cord. He went over to it as though to retrieve the pacifier buut instead grabbed for the cord. When I told him "no" he grabbed the pacifier and looked at me "innocently" as if to convey that he had been going for the pacifier the whole time.
If at first you don't succeed try, try again!

Tips for Studying

Personal Bar Study Tips (Can be applied to pretty much any stressful thing in your life)

1. Eat Meals: no, a Slim.fast shake and a bag of chips for lunch does not count (and from personal experience it really don’t make you feel very well)
2. Brush your teeth twice a day: I mean it, even if you forget until noon…do it then.
3. If you can’t remember the last time you took a shower it’s time.
4. Stay organized, things can fall apart quickly if you don’t. Even if it looks like chaos to the outside world, if you have a method stick to it.
5. Finally, remember that this too shall pass, and even though it seems all consuming now, in a few weeks you will have post traumatic stress disorder and are likely to have blocked out the whole bloody mess!