What I've Learned About Being a Parent

Things that I didn't know/ do with the first child that I understand now:

1. Everything seems like a much bigger deal in the moment. When your child is crying and you don’t know why, when they pee in their pants even though they are well into their potty trained years, when they won’t eat anything but bagels, when you haven’t slept in what feels like a lifetime etc. With Ryan every time we hit something new it seemed like it was going to last forever, but guess what… he sleeps through the night now, he doesn't have potty accidents, he learned to read… and while he still wants to eat a bagel for dinner every night he has a full and varied diet throughout the course of the day so who cares? Now that we are on kid #3 it’s a lot easier to see how quickly things change, that they grow in and out of stages the second you get comfortable anyway so if things are going wrong (which they do no matter how good of a parent you are) just wait a few hours/days/weeks and things will change.
2. You don’t have to be perfect. Some days we don’t do anything- really, we sit around and are lazy, doing little besides TV and iPad. My kids have had a meal of just popcorn before. We have forgotten to bathe the kids for longer then we should have, sometimes teeth aren't brushed when we venture out into the world (there are lots of examples- I am choosing for my own sanity not to make a list that I can dwell on). A lot of the time we are great though.  There are days where we eat organic homemade meals, everyone is bathed, we play educational/ creative games, we get lots of fresh air etc.  At the end of it though my kids are well adjusted, they aren't obese, their teeth haven’t rotted out of their heads.  Things don’t need to be perfect, you have to do your best and not expect yourself to do everything and be on all the time.
3. You as a parent have to take care of yourself. With Ryan I thought if I gave everything to him, if I exclusively breastfed, never watched TV, read all the parenting books, only had educational toys etc. He would grow up to be the smartest, most well-adjusted, perfect child ever.  If I never went to the gym because honestly who could leave their child? He might get a complex that I don’t love him! If I only ate when he was peacefully napping so that he wouldn't be upset that I put him down… then he would grow up being secure that he was utterly loved. The truth is when I am happier my children are happier. If I take care of myself I teach my children to take care of themselves. I also teach them that they aren't the center of the whole world… I LOVE them to pieces but they need to learn they aren't always going to get what they want at my expense (I would rather not send spoiled brats out into the world thank you very much). Also my kids play off my emotions, if I am worn thin from trying to make their life perfect, they get worn thin and are much less happy.
4. Kids need downtime as much as they need stimulation. If you sign them up for a million classes and have their lives completely structured they get tired and lose their ability to be creative. Just because Joeys mom has Joey in soccer, swimming, art and music every week doesn't mean you have to… in fact if you lived with Joey you would see that he is likely exhausted and he doesn't enjoy most of what he does. Which leads me to…
5. Don’t compare yourself to other parents. You don’t see the full story of anyone’s life.  A lot of people spend a lot of their energy concocting a perfect facade. It’s like trying to make yourself look like a photoshopped picture of a model in a magazine… you are trying to be something that doesn't actually exist. Your goal should be to be happy, to raise happy/ kind kids, to have good/ healthy relationships (including your marriage). You do this by not being perfect all the time, let the things that don’t matter go, know your limits and don’t create unrealistic expectations for anyone in your family. Strive for happy not perfection. 

I