Relax.. or at least try

Free time. I can't even tell you how much I have thought about free time since having a child. Before Ryan was in school I would make up to-do lists in my head of all the things I would do IF I ever went anywhere without him and then fantasize that I would actually get to do them.
When Ryan first started school I was hardcore, I didn't sit down the whole time he was gone. I raced through my list. After 3 days of him being out of the house I was done. I had completed what I could complete... let's face it I am not going to be carrying the dresser upstairs by myself, but everything else was done.
Now I sit panicking that there are things I should be doing, or that I am not being efficient enough with my time. When you have a kid you start doing things as efficiently as possible, after 2 years I have it down to a science which is great except I cannot do things inefficiently even if I want to. My heart starts racing if I need to drive 20 minutes to do only one little thing, especially if I will be in the area again within the week. It's a problem, I mean honestly I have almost 4 hours off I can afford to be a little bit inefficient if I want to right? And don't even get me started on justifying going to a coffee shop to just sit and read.
I have trouble just sitting and relaxing when Ryan's gone. I feel like I need to be ON all the time. I am working on it. When I talked to Don about it he said that I have trouble adjusting to change and I would eventually chill out, and if I didn't... well Audrey is coming soon and then I won't have any free time again. I guess only time will tell if I can take a chill pill before the window of opportunity closes.