The Dreaded Moms Group

I have mentioned a few times before that I have been getting involved in moms groups in order to get Ryan and I out into the world. They are interesting to say the least. First of all, it makes me really anxious to go somewhere where I don’t know anyone. You show up and there is a huge group of women… those of you who have known me for awhile know that up until relatively recently I hung out with almost all men, walking into a room full of women still is significantly out of my comfort zone.
After the initial discomfort comes the truly terrible part. So you have to try and relate to a group of very different women. The goal is to make friends, really one friend would be fine. I feel like I am speed dating, I need to make this great first impression so that someone picks me. It is easy to blend into a large group and you have to make yourself stand out enough that you can make a friend. I haven’t dated in a long time and suddenly I feel like I am again. (I didn't like it when I was a teenager- I don't like it anymore now).
There is a fine line that you must walk when talking to other moms. First of all you don’t want to be the mom that brags “my little Billy has been doing that for months, he is so advanced.” You don't want to be friends with that mom either. Yeah not a good way to make friends, being a parent is stressful enough without knowing someone who makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough to help your child or that there is something wrong with your child. Secondly, you have to stay out of the drama. Imagine getting a group of hormonal, isolated, sleep deprived women all together. There are cliques, there are strong personalities, there is over protectiveness… I advise you just play dumb and pretend that none of it exists, get in, find someone who doesn’t seem too crazy and try to strike up a conversation.
I was in school for a very long time, making a friend in school is cake compared to making friends (not just acquaintances) in a moms group. In school you see each other all the time, in moms groups you have to make yourself available and even then the faces are always changing. In school you all relate to each other through your similar experience, you are all going through the same thing at the same time. In moms groups there are very different parenting styles, kids are different ages, parents are different ages, some moms are working some are not, just because two people have kids does not mean that they have anything in common.
Why you might ask would someone go to a moms group when there are so many…. Let’s call it difficult things about it. Well, being a stay at home mom can be isolating. I am not complaining, I love it, but it is a hard job. You can go for days without talking to another adult except your spouse when they get home from work. So you want someone you can hang out with during the day, someone you can bounce things off of, and someone who understands you. Also, being at home with Ryan I feel like he will be at a serious disadvantage in school if I don’t get him interacting with children his own age. So I put myself out there time and time again. I have been lucky, I have met a few really nice people, I hope I can continue to meet nice people and that the relationships I have already made continue to grow.
Just one of the many things I had no idea about until after becoming a mom (the list seems to get longer everyday).