Letter to baby

Dear Baby,

I know this might be a confusing time for you so I will lay it out.
(1) You get out by going down, this is the one time in your life I want you to go towards the light.
(2) I understand you get poked and touched through the stomach a lot- please don’t hold that against us, we just all really want to meet you. I promise when you are out people will give you kisses instead of pokes so no need to stay in there because you are scared.
(3) We have this really kickass room for you, I mean there are planes and toys and books… this stuff is way cooler then the bladder you are sitting on now. If you come out it is all yours, I will even keep your dad from playing with the toys too much.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask, you know where to find me.
Love Mom

Thanks

Hello all, I am still here, still pregnant and still functioning for the most part. I really appreciate all of you who emailed or facebooked or called etc. to send me some love. I was really lucky to have some great people around me that have really helped me out in the past week. My husband stayed home from work for a few days to be with me and my brother and best friend Rachel flew in from Chicago to help my mom and I function. I don't know what I would do without all of you so thanks.

A quick story then back to Ryan

I’m not good at journaling so I am going to do it here, as much for my benefit as to tell you blog readers my story, then I will get back to blogging about Ryan again. So Paul was my stepdad, he came into my life when I was a messed up teenager with some serious daddy issues (most people can relate). I’ve considered him my dad for a longtime, and I think our relationship was stronger because I knew that he chose me, that I wasn’t some obligation. He was great, he didn’t tell me what to do or try and be too fatherly but he was really proud of me and let everyone know. He was the sort of guy that if I needed something he was the one to call, he would have done anything for my mom, brother and I.

I was really lucky to have had the time to tell him everything I needed to before he died. He called me a few days before, knowing how sick he was and told me everything he needed me to know. I know that I am blessed to have had that; a lot of people never get the chance. Most of the sadness I feel is about the stuff that he is going to miss, mainly the birth of Ryan. He was so excited for his arrival, I wish I could have given him that but it just wasn’t meant to be. Luckily he passed without regrets and I was given the same peace.

There are a lot of stories I could tell about Paul but this one has helped me get through the last week. It was about 6 years ago that Paul’s dad died (he was in his 90's). It happened while Paul was out of town and I was the one that had to call and tell him. I had been the one to go to the hospital and the doctors came out to tell me that he hadn't made it. I was so devastated, I could hardly speak and I didn’t get out of bed for days after. Paul told me that when I told him he looked outside and saw a rainbow and felt as if it was a sign that Papa (his dad) was in a better place and no longer stuck in a body that just didn’t work. Paul felt so much peace with the sight of the rainbow. It was so out of his character to focus on the “sign” so the story stuck with me. Well fast forward 6 years: I was trying to finish up my last assignment for the semester so I went to a coffee shop with Don. All of a sudden the sky got really black and there was this massive downpour. When it was over Don and I got up and left. When I got to my car I saw this huge rainbow stretching across the whole sky and had this feeling that Paul had died. It was strange I was almost certain that that rainbow had been a sign and yet I wasn’t sad or anything, I felt sort of in shock while still trying to maintain my skepticism. I called my mom and she didn’t pick up, when I got home she called me back and said that I had called right after he died. I admit I wasn’t as calm as Paul had been when I had told him about his dad. The next day when I had myself together a little bit more I understood why Paul had really held onto that rainbow and I’m very thankful that Paul sent me one to let me know that he was in a better place and was rid of the body that no longer worked for him.

In Memory

Ryan’s grandfather died this afternoon. He was a one of the best men I have ever known and he loved my family more then anything in the whole world. He had been battling cancer a long time and was holding on in hopes of meeting Ryan, but his body just couldn’t hold on any longer. I just wanted everyone to know why I was gone if I don’t call you back or don’t post for awhile. I promise I will let everyone know when Ryan is on his way.

Baby Belly

Here is the pile of stuff to bring to the hospital. The car seat and the birthing ball (don't ask) are both near the front door. The notebook shown in the picture is my crazy notebook. I have lists of everything: Phone numbers, birthing positions, acupressure points, birth plan, medical studies to give the doctors if they try and make me do something I don't want to.... oh yes... (For all you law students out there you will probably have noticed that I even have a highlighter... apparently law school has had a greater influence on me then I was previously aware of).

This is the picture of my belly at 38 weeks; notice the dimple in the skin on the top... that is because my belly is now too small to hold the baby. Soon you will be able to see the outline of the baby :) I would show you a picture from the front.. but really it is better for everyone that I don't...

Top 5 things to do while waiting

Top 5 things to do while waiting for baby to come:
(1) Learn to cook something new: I mean I could eat all the time, and I am one of those people that gets sick of eating the same thing over and over again so this is a good time to expand (my cooking horizon… and what used to be my waistline). So far I have made chicken casserole, eggplant parmesan, homemade macarroni and cheese, corned beef and cabbage, chili and a few other things. Don likes the outcome of this activity!
(2) Watch Movies: Netflix is a godsend, that and the copies of Harry Potter that I own.
(3) Clean: From past posts you know that I am all over this one. This weekend we did the cars. My car was full of books for which the classes have ended, Don had I believe 25 water bottles. For earth day Don gave up disposable water bottles so hopefully that won’t happen again.
(4) Walk: My neighborhood is great for walking, and now that the weather has gotten so good it is a pleasure. Ok not a pleasure but it does feel good to go outside. I may be the slowest walker of all times, baby feels like he might fall out so sometimes I have to stop and wait for him to reposition. Don usually comes with me on these walks so it is a good time to talk without distraction. My friend N is just about as pregnant as me she walks like 5 miles a day… she inspires me, I am no where near as good as her, but I’m trying.
(5) Go out on dates: This one is by far my favorite. It usually involves food and it always involves leaving the house for a specific purpose. Don is really good about this one. We have gone out to bookstores, restaurants, shopping, outdoor concerts etc. If I am feeling anxious we even do this on weekdays when Don gets back from work. Who knows when we will have the luxury of just picking up and going after the baby arrives.

NOTE TO BLOG READERS: If anyone has changed address or if you don’t think I have your address please send it to me. I am updating my address book and would like to add anyone who would like a birth announcement; I want to make sure everyone who would like one gets one!

Weekly Update

Another doctor’s appointment has come and gone. They now start off appointments by asking me if I feel as though I am in labor. They ask so calmly as though I might have simply forgotten to mention it to them. Apparently I haven’t started dilation but I am 50% effaced… it means I have started the process but it could still be awhile (hours, days or weeks) before Ryan decides to make an appearance. Two weeks until the due date, however there is only like a 5% chance that babies are actually born on their due dates so that number isn’t very helpful either. I have a law school exam today (my last in-class anything for the semester) so Don predicted that I would go into labor tonight, I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Additional stuff I forgot to mention like 4 hours ago when I initially posted this:
(1) The doctor said the baby was about 7 pounds (yay Don's genetics)
(2) I have started getting the reaction of "wow how pregnant are you..?" from many people.. I told a waitress I was due in 2 weeks.. she looked at me and said "there is no way you are making it two weeks, there is no more room" Apparently I look as pregnant as I feel.
I tried to take a picture of the belly but I think I need Dons help, my pictures were too close and the belly just looked scary.. like it might come through the camera and eat someone...

this is how well studying is going...

Junk Drawer

I’ve heard that everyone has a junk drawer… that place where all the “I might use this someday, but until then I have no idea what to do with it” things go. Well I have a secret, Don and I have or rather had a junk room. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the WHOLE room, it was half of a room the other half is a guest bed. So our lucky guests got to see the piles of stuff we had as they were shoved in the remaining half. It all started with the wedding. When you throw a wedding you end up with a lot of candle holders, flower vases, candles and what can only be called as miscellaneous junk. Now this stuff is perfectly good… and should you ever throw another wedding or equally elaborate party you will be all set. It is close enough to being maybe useful that you can’t convince yourself to throw it out or give it away.
Well today I had had enough. I couldn’t take it; my nesting bug was at its wits end. So with Dons help we cleaned out the room… that’s right I went through and even let go of some of the stuff. We didn’t just move the stuff into another storage place either, we went through it. At the end I was having trouble letting the last few things go. We had these glass canister things that look very cool but are 100% not practical in my life. I told Don I wanted to keep them, he told me to get rid of them. We went back and forth and he said if I couldn’t come up with a use then I had to get rid of them. I gave in. Two minutes later I found something of his; it had been sitting in this room because there was no use for it. I told him he had to get rid of it if he couldn’t come up with a use. He gave in; it made it all worth giving up the glass canisters. We are officially out of items on the house to-do list now (at least things that don’t involve power tools)... at least until I find something else.

Maternity Pictures

Our Maternity Pictures are up... http://www.pictage.com/457317... I am warning you I wasn't shy on the day these were taken. Enjoy!

Full Term

We have officially made it to FULL TERM (37 weeks). This means that if he is born now he is as good as at the due date, he probably won’t need to stay at the hospital after I check out. He is developed enough to breathe and keep his temperature steady. Yay, I have been waiting for today for a long time!

Beanie Baby

We went to another doctor’s appointment today (yes we now go once a week... it seems like a lot to us also). Every week they say Ryan is a little bit on the small side for his gestations but close enough to normal to not be concerned or change the due date. This week we go in, everything is normal except that he is now measuring longer then what he should be. Apparently this was a big week for him, they measured twice to confirm. Well Ryan here is what I have to say about that… soak it in, this is the one time in your life you will be above average height (at least if you are anything like Don and I). I told Don that we had a bean pole on our hands and now he has taken to calling the baby “Beanie Baby” poor kid... the nicknames start early.

Dreaming of You

In this last month my dreams have gotten very strange. Many of them last what seems like half an hour, with like 5 of them in a night. Some of them are totally meaningless; literally it is like me watching people randomly go about their everyday life. Even the meaningless ones are extremely vivid and it's like they are actually happening. No one is safe from being in these dreams; people I haven’t talked to in years are especially prone to having something to do with them. All you undercover blog readers have probably made at least a cameo at some point.

Final Nursery

A few weeks ago we started posting pictures of the nursery… well we are finally finished. It was delayed mostly because the bookshelf we ordered came with no hardware (their fault not ours) and we had to wait a long time for that to come in. I think I got all the angles in these pictures… it's hard to take a picture of a room from inside the room.